he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
