this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
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