Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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