i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
