I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
