I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
