dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
