the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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