how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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