garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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