remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
