Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
