i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
this is an emotional support booty call
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
