Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
