I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
