I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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