I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
