o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize