he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
