sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
