Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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