I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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