i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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