it wasn't lemon gatorade
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
