Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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