Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
