I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
