her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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