every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
