Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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