i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
