The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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