Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
