im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
