His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
