So many bounce houses so little time
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
