soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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