census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
