Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
