I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
