you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sext me about skeletons
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Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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