I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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