For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
