so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
