I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
