Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize