I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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