If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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