And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
