Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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