how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
