i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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