don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
