life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I party with great urgency now.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
