Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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