how can u be prego again
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
