so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
