there's paper in my vomit.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
3pm strippers are depressing
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize