Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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