Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
