new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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