I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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