First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
