yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
