Umm I'm too high to move.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
