Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
