i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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