... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
