I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you guys were way drunker than both of me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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