I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
