I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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