omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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