Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize