Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
