Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
